3/28/16
Dear Alien,
For some reason, this weekend felt like I had just had my D&C. I went to the spa with the girls on Saturday and it just felt weird. I felt like an outsider. Like they were treating me differently. I think I've hit the point with them that it's just awkward. No one knows what to say anymore. It's not trendy to get updates from me - it's just sad and pathetic. No one wants to hear about the needles that are stuck in my arm on a regular basis. Or the tears I've shed in the last few weeks - a deadly combination of hormones and sadness. Or that I've pretty much given up all hope and really prefer to not hear the "hang in there" and "it will happen, just stop stressing". Because the truth is, as we near the one year mark next month, it may not happen. Not everyone gets what they want. And since I really don't play the odds well, I'm not betting on it. And I'm sorry that makes you uncomfortable because you don't know what to say or what to do but that's not my problem. Why am I comforting you in my time of need. Do you realize how selfish that is?
Sorry, I'm venting today.
I love you,
Mom
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