03/16/16
Dear Alien,
So here I am again. Back in the dreaded 2 week wait after ovulation. And feeling symptomatic. This happens every single month. I feel stretching flutters in my lower abdomen. I google. I have an eye twitch. I google. My boobs hurt. I google. Everything tells me that I am pregnant. And my hopes start their steady incline toward convincing my head and my heart that this is the month that I will get the news that we are on our way to meeting you. Every month, I tell myself that I will keep these feelings to myself so not to get the hopes up of everyone else who is waiting on my body to do what it is supposed to. And every month, I inevitably tell your father. And your aunt. And your grandmother. And some of your honorary aunts. This month, I decided to share with you and only you. It will be our secret, hopefully the first of many that we will share throughout your life.
Two days ago, my nipples started hurting. I was so confused because I seemingly ovulated only a few days prior. I tried to ignore and then the stretching feeling plus some intense bloating started as well. It's progressed over the last few days. I started progesterone supplementing today so any pregnancy feelings will be taken over and simulated by the drug. My barometer on what is real and what is in my head will be eliminated as the progesterone makes me feel ALL of them. But I know myself and I will hang on to the few things I felt before I introduced the progesterone. Those things will monopolize the majority of the thoughts in my head over the next 12 days. I hope you inherit your father's calmer mind. And his nose.
I love you,
Mom
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